4 months in....

"What do you believe in?"--Villager
"I believe in myself."--Me
"Yes man! You are rasta, man!"--Villager

I had been putting off writing this blog for a while. Before I left the city last, I wanted to give an deeply honest account of how I have been feeling about Peace Corps. To be honest, had I wrote this a month ago, it would have been very negative. The first three months were very up and down from day to day. One day I'd wake up and feel great, I could understand the language and I felt like I was being constructive. Then, the very next day, I'd wake up, wouldn't understand the language, would feel sick (I had giardia last time in the city), was missing home, had critters running through my house and/or felt completely useless. By mid-October, I had finally made some grounds on progress. I held a village meeting and found out what they want and what they expected of me. Made some headway at the Peace Corps Early Service Training as well, a one week session for all new Peace Corps Volunteers who arrived in May with myself. I talked with a few good organizations and got some nice contacts. Still, however, I didn't see many realistic opportunities for work, still didn't feel terribly appreciated by the village. But, after I returned from training, a 10 day break from my village, I felt I was finally welcomed by my village. When I showed up to the village in August, no one was there to welcome me on a rainy day and I had to hunt down 2 kids to help me bring a couple of bags up to my place before they got completely soaked. Now, for the first time, I felt the village was finally happy to have me, which is a great feeling and really turned things around this past month. Not to say everyday was great but now I feel generally more positive and like I'm doing something useful. Now, some of the villagers even stick their nose out for me when I'm waking around with them. A kid in another village called me a "bakaa" (outsider/foreigner) one day, and instead of me snapping back at the kid in the Saramaccan language, the kid from my village whom I was walking with snapped at the kid for me, "Hey, he's not bakaa, he lives in Gunzi!"

One of the most difficult things to deal with so far, I believe across the board for every volunteer, has been how you view yourself as an American, volunteer, humanitarian, etc. When you call home, people tell you how proud they are of your or call you a hero, but to be honest when I'm here and I'm spending 75% or more of my day sleeping, reading or lying in a hammock I just think that I could be doing the same thing at home sometimes, except the hammock would be a couch or bean bag. It has also been very difficult because everyone in Peace Corps starts out very ambitious and with good intentions, altruistic types. Clearly, I'm taking a pay cut to help people. As an American or westerner, I'm applauded for this. In the village, this can't be comprehended though. Either I am looked at as being crazy for giving up 24 hours of electricity, a nice house, computers, cars, etc. Or, despite my paycut, they think I'm rich and should buy them a beer. Two of the most prominent phrases used in this culture are "cha ko hesi", bring quickly, and "da mi so", give me some. If you've got it, they want some too. Even though I am usually willing to lend things out, at times, when I haven't given people food or some kind of gadget, like a flashlight, I have been called out as being greedy or selfish. When you get down to the root of the problem, it's just a ridged cultural exchange. I'm not going to give the villagers a flashlight or my CD player everytime, or even the majority of times, when they come over and ask, I've had this epiphany that I'm an American and in my culture if you want these things you should get one yourself--and despite what your preconceptions might be, most people in the village could afford these things themselves. And that's not to say that I'm not willing to share, I have lent these things out before. But some people have this attitude that I should do this or do that for them and I've realized that I'm a development worker, not an errand boy, and that most times people need to do things for themselves. And so one of the hardest things during the first 3 months was how do I be myself, live the way I want to live, in the context of this village. I feel like I've found pretty solid ground at this point and people know what I expect of them and they've more realistic expectations of me.

Besides the daily frustrations of village life there have been a lot of positives during the past month. To battle the boredom of the slow and sedentary lifestyle I had been living, I have been working out every morning and doing a lot of hard labor. Infact, I just found out that I put on 15 pounds since I've been to Suriname and I'd reckon to say that majority of it is muscle--I've developed a little bit of a Parbo baby around the belly too. Anyways, I have been doing a lot of physical activity. I spent one afternoon helping two friends pour cement in the rain, helping to patch a water pump, going for a 6 hour walk through the jungle with one of the tour guides, and I've spent a countless number of days working my plot of land for farming--activities which include carrying buckets of water from the river to my plot, cutting and uprooting trees, and turning the dirt on the ground.

Most importantly though, I've begun doing meaningful work. My most important, and most stressful work too, has been working with the local 6th grade class. I have been working with two other volunteers in the area, Gwen Smith of Arizona and Catherine Cook of the great granite state of New Hampshire, to teach the 6th graders about HIV prevention, HIV/AIDs myths and other facts about the disease. This Monday will be our last class but we will have a culminating event on December 5th to celebrate World AIDs Day(which is actually Dec 1) and the 6th graders are putting together some posters, skits, raps and dances to present to the community. There are some other projects I have got going in the works as well, I've been looking into some marketing opportunities for the tourist camp my village owns, I've been working with the lady who runs the gift shop--she tried to teach me how to make a straw basket but I made a pretty lousy coaster, and I just held a meeting with the guys in the village to draw up a football field project. They told me they want a "football field complete" and asked me to find funding for a field, equipment, 2 grandstands, bathroom, water tank, lights and locker room..... we'll see what happens. I'm confident we can find funding for a field and probably the lights, but the rest will be difficult. But it'll be a fun and rewarding project to do even if it's not what I initially thought was important for the community. I can't really force people to do agriculture, for better or worse I've seen that the most effective tangible projects are when a volunteer meets the communities needs.

Finally, to wrap up, I'm still learning a lot day to day. My language is solid but far from perfect after three months in the village. I'm getting used to the slower pace of life and finding quality distractions in the abscence of television. I definitely feel a lot more positive and perhaps most importantly, realistic about how things should turn out over the next two years.